Pardon the Pun

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry,sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."


2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says, "Dam!"


3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes,
I'm positive."


5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other
goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husbandresponds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."


8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.