Well today was rough at work - we started out the day with the horrible news that one of our students had committed suicide on Sunday. I had the young man as a student two years ago, as well as his older brother. This was a case where apparently no one saw it coming - numerous people saw and interacted with him even through the weekend up until hours before the fatal moment, and no one had a clue what he was going to do. Shortly before he did it, it is said that he wrote notes to some of his friends on Facebook essentially saying goodbye and asking forgiveness. He was an honors student, an athlete, from a stable home.
As a teacher, I just feel so sad, tired, and even angry. Having lived longer, I know that after dark days come better ones. When we are young (and yes, even at any age), especially in our teens, sometimes we can't see beyond the pain of the moment. What a hole has been created! I can't imagine what his parents are going through now, or his brother. What this does to so many people cannot be undone, but I am sure if he were able to step out of the moment to realize what he would be doing to others who loved him, not just to himself, he would wish to undo it. If he could see past the relationship troubles of teens to what his 20's or 30's might have been, I think he would wish to undo it. Anguish consumes all vision.
But we can't see the future, we can never know how many lives we touch and in what ways, and there are certain things that we can't take back. The finality of it is deafening. A book that was not fully written is closed, blank pages never to be filled. And thousands of other books are changed, a dark chapter added to their pages, at the loss of a student, son, brother, friend.