Wednesday, February 02, 2005

In Threes?

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers, it is really appreciated. My mom was really down yesterday; that was really the first day she's been like that since the first night. My dad's family has to leave today so now mom will be at the hospital alone when we can't be there. She has to go back to work on Monday. In a way having the family here is stressful. It was good they were here, but it is also kind of a relief that they're leaving, too.

One of the neighborhood buddies from childhood of my brother committed suicide yesterday. No one knows why. He was a police officer in Michigan, married, no kids. He had just finished his master's degree. He had tried to call his mom that morning but she was at work and didn't get back to him right away. Then he sent a suicide e-mail to his brother who works in a school here in town. His brother saw it within an hour and contacted police immediately. He was already dead when they got there. My brother is supposed to be a pallbearer in the funeral this Saturday. I feel bad for him because it is just one more bad thing to cope with. His wife started talking about that superstition that things happen in threes and as bad as these two have been I'm trying not to listen to her.

I feel guilty about it, but I almost don't want to go to the hospital at all today. My dad is moving around sometimes and even opens his eyes, but there's no one there in the eyes if you know what I mean. It could just be the sedatives and morphine and stuff or that could be all that's there, so it is really disturbing to all of us to see. He doesn't recognize us or maybe he doesn't even see us. He is still on the ventilator, so they haven't done any tests about mental status or anything else besides basic bodily functioning.

It is very strange but I haven't been thinking about God in all this as much as I should; I'm kind of just operating at the mechanical level. I am concerned about my dad should he die because I'm not even sure he believed in God. But I just don't want to think about it too much, I just hope if he does return that it could be a positive turning point in his life for our sake and his. I haven't even prayed about things that much because I just believe that what God wills will happen and will be for the best, so my prayers haven't been like, Oh save him or oh let him go or anything like that.

Well, I've got to go to work.

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